I am a sociologist. And, while the main focus of my research is on education reform and charter schools such as the KIPP Academy, I received my graduate training in a department that had a high percentage of individuals studying gender. In fact, the only other sociology student with whom I lived during my graduate career studied gender and the medicalization of social problems. Namely, she studied the Viagra phenomenon. What this meant was that I was around a lot of other really strong women (yes, there were male feminists too, but they are not the focus of this story), and participated in countless conversation, lectures, and courses on gender, masculinity and femininity, and the disparities that exist between men and women. What I know from these discussions is that gender, as well as definitions of masculinity and femininity, are socially constructed and vary by social setting. Furthermore, gender is performative. That is, we do gender; we enact and reenact it on a daily basis.
All of that said, I still read US Weekly, Star, Lucky and Marie Claire, and have asked myself (as those magazines often ask you to do), what does it take to be sexy and to attract Mr. Right? A low-cut dress and high heels? Perfectly styled hair and make-up? The truth of the matt
er is, even when I step out for my cousin’s upcoming “black-tie preferred” wedding in Manhattan in my new Anna Sui dress and gold high heel sandals, I won’t feel nearly as sexy as I do when I am in my oversized Ben Davis overalls that I picked up in a second hand store in San Francisco when I was still an undergraduate. Those overalls, in all their inked-up and painted on glory, feel like a second skin. I genuinely couldn’t feel sexier than I do when I have those on with a baby doll tee and my hair pulled back into a messy pony. When I am wearing my overalls, I feel the most like me. For me, that is what defines sexy. This probably explains why I am more attracted to men who don’t dress up, who aren’t afraid to get dirty, and grow a little facial hair. Without the pretense of an upscale Thomas Pink suit or a Catherine Malandrino dress (don’t get me wrong, I love fashion), you can get to the essence of an individual. My essence is a creative, outdoorsy, natural woman, who is constantly looking to grow and develop. So, how do I “do being sexy?” I throw on my overalls and I print or I paint. 
